On October 8th, 2018, my husband and I went to our first adoption consultation. We received a lot of information about the adoption process and services that the adoption organization could provide. Then the price tag was dropped. $30,000. Yes, count the zeros. Our hearts sank. We were first informed that we could not use loans (this was later amended to “using loans will count against us” in discerning if we could afford to have children. Logically we get this, but who the hell has $30k just laying around?!).
I had already been feeling hopeless after watching all the saving I had allocated for the adoption disappear into the medical system due to a surgery on my arm and a number of areas of skin cancer (for those of you who don’t know me, I’m paler than white rice on a paper plate in a snow storm).I suppose I had already had a leg up on my husband on getting through this area of hopelessness, having felt it throughout the year.
After getting in my car to return home, my brain started going. Phrases such as, “You know, you’ve done fundraising for the non-profit you worked at before,” “Remember that time you hosted a Thanksgiving dinner for over 60 clients at your previous job?”, “Do you recall how many supportive people you have in your social network,” and “You just spent four sessions yesterday talking with clients about the importance of networking and how to better a self-promoter.” I believe the phrase that I landed on that really got my rear is gear was: “Bitch, you got this!”
I went home and opened a Go Fund Me page. No real expectations. I was straight up asking for money, which makes me a bit uncomfortable. Then I heard my voice when talking to my clients, “It’s important to recognize when you need help. Everyone needs help. You just have to be courageous enough to ask.” I’m not sure if I experienced myself as particularly wise at that moment, or more of an obnoxious “know-it-all.” In any event, I blasted the link onto my social media account.
In less than one day’s time, $1000 dollars was donated! Wha?! Neighbors and friends were coming out of the woodwork. Some people I haven’t spoken to in a decade, were not only donating money, but making comments about what a great parent I would make or speaking to how wonderful my relationship is with my husband and how we would make a great parental unit. The amount of support was overwhelming.
I can feel the lump in my throat forming as I type this.
I then started getting offers from friends who own businesses to allow me to use their business location for fundraisers. A co-worker connected me with her sister who has offered to host a fundraiser from her shop. A good friend of mine discussed throwing a drag show or having actors and play-writes get together to put on performances where admission could be charged. Another co-worker offered to host a “Stitch N’ Bitch” to give people an opportunity to make bags out of fabric that could be sold at local businesses. A comedian friend of mine who lives in Massachusetts offered to connect me with local comedians in my area that may be willing to do a fundraising event. Another friend assisted me with making a connection with someone who could hold a “Paint Night” fundraiser. Matt’s family provided a lot of emotional support. Friends were sharing our Go Fund Me page link.
The support just goes on and on.
Yesterday, I was blown when our favorite comic book store offered to work with us in coming up with fundraisers that could potentially host in their store! The staff has always been friendly and helpful to my husband and me. I thought that perhaps it was just customer service. But it seems like it is more than that. It seems it is a genuine “like.” I am sorry I every doubted it.
As a gay potential parent, I have many concerns. One is: will my child feel loved after being given up for adoption? Will they feel like a wanted and loved part of our family? The second is: how will they be accepted with having gay parents? Although I will not have the answers to these questions anytime soon, I can say with complete confidence, that they will be loved and accepted by our very strong and supportive social network.
Thank you, all of you, for reaffirming your support of my husband and me as we go through this very stressful period. You have given us a strong sense of joy and acceptance that I may have never felt before. Each of you is greatly appreciated and we could not be more pleased that you are in our lives.