The Cascade

The past month has been a whirlwind. Well, past couple of months actually. There has been a deluge of events that have been happening one after the next that has just left Matt and I spinning. I suppose I should start at the top.

About two months ago I took my car in for an oil change. This seemed simple enough, but the mechanic stated that I had a weird noise that was probably my power steering. As someone who knows nothing about cars, but mildly recalls that cars did not always need power steering, I chose to not have it looked at right away (the beginning of every car maintenance horror story, I know). Eventually, I do get it checked and as it turns out, it was not the power steering, but some major piece of the steering that gives you control over your car. Apparently, it was at the point where it could break at any moment. To fix the car would cost over a grand.

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When asked what could cause this to happen, the mechanic informed me that it is really rare, but in his expert opinion, it probably had to be driving up on a curb repeatedly and hitting the bottom of the car. Immediately, I know exactly what culprit was. Our parking lot has this weird inverted curb to help the water drain (this seems odd to me, because unless you have sticky water- something I literally made up- water should travel with just a slight angle. No inverted curb necessary). It is possible to park without hitting the bottom of your car on the now raised parking spot, if you hit the angle just right. The spots are small, and even though it rarely happens (I maybe miss that angle once every two weeks), over a period of five years, that begins to do some real damage. When I returned home and spoke to neighbors, and it turns out that several of them have had to get new cars for the same reason.

After discussing the options with Matt, it appeared that it made more sense to get a new car. I was certainly not thrilled with the prospect as I had paid off my little green Mazda 2 and have been trying to save money for the adoption. That was frustrating enough, but then I figured out that I would need to not only buy a new car, but a LARGER one in order to not have a repeat performance of exactly what put me in this very predicament. So not only would I now have a car payment, but now even the car payment would be LARGER.

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Feeling like I didn’t have a whole lot of options, a car was purchased. The amount I was saving for the adoption was pretty proportional with the now new car payment. We were zeroed out (which actually activated the social justice warrior in me. Matt and I were able to bounce out of this, but this could demolish some of our neighbors if they should have this kind of surprise expense. Writing a petition and sending it to our local government is on my to-do list.).

While all of this was going on, Brooke, the Bitch N’ Stitch and Instagram manager had found a new job. She had rattled off some numbers to me about what she was making. Being too stressed to actually hear the words coming out of my mouth, I clearly didn’t pick on much. I could feel the words she was saying bounce off my forehead and flutter to the ground before me. A week later, I found those words in a pile by my work desk and reassembled them into sentences. I crunched the numbers and it looked like I could make more money if I followed suit. Again, feeling like I did not have much in the way of options, follow I did.

For the past four weeks I have been not only working my full-time job, but due to my concerns over money, went ahead and started working at my new place of employment for one day per week. This is my last 50-hour week and I am SOOOOOO tired. Not only am I physically exhausted from moving all of the things from my office to my car and into the living room (which now looks like it has exploded) and from working so many hours, I am also emotionally exhausted. Trying to learn new paperwork, juggle scheduling new clients, working with current clients to find other therapists or to become a new client in my new location (I am SUPER surprised and blessed that about 80% of my clients are following me. That is not only stress relieving in way of finances, but I really do enjoy my clients and having to say good-bye is not a thing I am particularly good at), and saying farewell to several coworkers and actively working on scheduling so that I can continue to see them, has left me depleted. Needless to say, this is why, again, I have fallen behind on updates.

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One might think that given all of this, that I would cut myself some slack on everything else adoption related. And maybe to some extent that is true, but there is still a part of me that feels guilty or that I somehow am letting my future unborn child down in some way. From what I understand from running my parent group (for years at this point… where does the time go?) that this is incredibly normal. It is completely normal to break yourself down trying to provide and still managing to identify how you could have been doing it better. I guess I am getting well-practiced.

Despite all of this, I still was able to finish reading Raising my Rainbow by Lori Duron and the review is forth coming. Matt and I have also held another painting fundraiser with Dawn Fernald Spruill of DBD Art Studios at our now regular location, Dublin Roasters. This also was paired with some guilt, as all of this cascading transition left me too depleted to adequately advertise the event.

The event did go very well. I made a vegetarian chili, which was well received (this was the first time ever making it. The recipe can be found here: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/72508/the-best-vegetarian-chili-in-the-world/). My cousin and her partner showed, as well as my trainer, Steve (https://www.thumbtack.com/md/columbia/personal-trainers/personal-fitness-training), our neighbors Christian and Kara, my parents, and then two additional people joined (I hope they had a fun time. I really wasn’t sure how to address new people who weren’t already part of the event. I was a little surprised and hadn’t prepared for that to happen. They were very nice and I hope that they had a good time). We really do appreciate everyone who was able to make it out.

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All of this to say, a lot has been going on, despite the lack of updates, there has been a lot going on. I am pleased to say that the new office I will be working in seems very warm and welcoming. Hopefully all this transition works out for the best and proves to be the best move for our (budding) family.

 

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